arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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