It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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