your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
