She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
