sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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