Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize