Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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