then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The uberlube is also flammable
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
