i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
