The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
