he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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