okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize