Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I smell stomach acid.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
