just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
