i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I checked into jail on foursquare
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
