the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
