I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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