i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
