2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
