tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
