Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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