So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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