Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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