My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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