Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
