i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
