I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
