I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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