You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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