I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
