Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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