this beer tastes like vomit already
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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