3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
