Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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