you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
