Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
