Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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