I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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