I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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