Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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