Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
