Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
