So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
