just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
