i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
