would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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