If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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