have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
