I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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