Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
