omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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