The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
