He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
