I just pynch a tree in the face
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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