at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
