well I can't set my house on fire every night
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
