I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
