i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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