So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
