She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
