Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
