he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
my liver is dry heaving
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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