tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
