I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
