Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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